Hopeless endless
by Ninjabelle
Summary: Did something ever end before it began? Like how my life was already deemed hopeless long before I finally realized.It shouldn't hurt.I know better than that, or I should, at the very least. -Cielcentered with the smallest hint of CielxSeb if you squint.


**A/N**

Have yourself another delicious Ciel-centered oneshot.

I don't know why I keep coming up with these... maybe I just love getting into the minds of the ones that are broken? Hmm...

But this is basically my take on the so called 'Demon!Ciel's' ways. I always liked the manga more, especially because in my mind the following would happen if Ciel was granted an eternal life.

STILL, ENJOY. -it's not as gloomy as it sounds above. I SWEAR.

**DISCLAIMER:** -still not called FETISHITSUJI, still not mine.

* * *

Did something ever end before it began?

Like how my life was already deemed hopeless long before _I _finally realized.

It shouldn't hurt. I know better than that, or I should, at the very least.

And now this hopeless life of mine is _endless_, and Sebastian does his duties with an ever present frown plastered on his pretty perfect face.

-I mock him for it. And I believe he despises me for it. Oh how cruel, a demon's ways. And I know, I do. Better than any demon that walks this earth, heaven or hell.

I've seen the good sides, the bad. Brought happiness and destruction as I went. I've lied and cheated, manipulated and deceived. I'm truly an ungodly creature. Hopeless and oh so aware of my flaws.

-why yes. I have those. Are you surprised? Maybe it is because of the part of me that still lingers on the edge of humanity. The part that still cringes at the sight of a young undernourished child, beaten and bloody left on the streets. But I hold my head up high, and avert my gaze. I'm arrogant enough to say it doesn't keep me up at night. I have no heart left.

Did something ever end before it began?

Like how the last time I heard my loyal Sebastian utter 'yes my Lord' the words were already laced with a disappointment, frustration. He never once calls me his Lord these days, and even though our contract is not yet void it's been corrupted so, that he finds his way around the rules. Staying truly by my side no more.

I fill my days in this new age by stilling my hunger, setting up contracts with those foolish enough to cross my ways as I go. I'd never bind myself to something so intensive as Sebastian once did, serving me, but mostly to people that only want to bring destruction and want their utter hatred to be projected by something dark and out of this world. As they wish, I'm happy to comply as long as dinner's ready by the end of it all.

When did I become so cruel? If asked a certain Undertaker I'm sure he'd reply with broken giggles and snorts, and if I asked a certain butler he'd avert his gaze and tell me 'but the young master has _always_ been...' and I'd laugh. Hollow and cold and cruel like the 70 year old brat I truly am. It's funny isn't it? Hilarious even. I watched half of the faces I still remember grow old, saw my fiancée marry off to someone else, have children and grandchildren and it doesn't hurt one bit. I simply do not feel anymore. Or maybe I never truly did.

Did something ever end before it began?

Like how I knew the second I agreed to form a contract with my Sebastian, my demon, something _dark_ would await me. Something much colder than death. But I chose just that, even though I could've run away with my servants and take all the money left for me to start anew and forget.

But I could never forget.

My biggest flaw. I cannot let go, not of the things that truly matter. In that lies my final shred of humanity at last. I robbed a girl from her dream, loyal kind servants of a Master, a place to call home... Stole important feelings from people I was afraid to call friends.

And most of all, took a demon's most precious, priceless, perfect and so very much _deserved _meal right away from him.

And this demon, I pray, will strike me down with all of his hatred some day. With all that is painful, all that is frustrated.

Did something ever end before it began?

Like how I felt it was over the first time a 'no' slipped from past Sebastian's lips.

'Say... is it possible for me to turn back? Not that I'd want to... just wondering...'

But oh how I want to. And maybe he knew. But the answer was still no.

And I'm still hopeless.

And this life is endless.

How insane...

_Fin_

_

* * *

_

**A/N**

Maybe it _was_ kinda gloomy? Oh boohoo. Me and my deceiving notes.

BUT REVIEW. I wonder if people share my take on Ciel plus endlessness plus unhappy Sebastian.

xx Ninjabelle


End file.
